How Parents Should (and Shouldn't) Help With the College Decision

Your Opinion Matters — But It's Not Your Decision

This is one of the first major decisions your child makes as a near-adult. Your role is to provide information, share wisdom, set financial boundaries — and then let them choose. This is harder than it sounds.

What Parents SHOULD Do

• Be honest about money. Tell your child exactly what you can contribute. Don't let them choose a $70K/year school when your budget is $25K/year — that conversation needs to happen before deposits, not after.
• Help with the financial comparison. Most 17-year-olds don't understand net price, loan interest, or debt-to-income ratios. Walk through the numbers together.
• Share your perspective, not your decision. "I think School A might be a better fit because..." is helpful. "You're going to School A" is not.
• Visit together if possible. Your observations matter, and you'll notice things your child doesn't (safety, distance from airport, campus maintenance).
• Respect the final choice. If they choose wisely (financially responsible, academically solid), support them wholeheartedly — even if it's not where you wanted them to go.

What Parents Should NOT Do

• Don't make it about your ego. Your child's school choice is not your bumper sticker. Choosing a less prestigious school that's a better value is a sign of maturity, not failure.
• Don't compare to other families. "The Johnsons' kid got into MIT" is never helpful.
• Don't override the financial reality. "We'll figure out the money" is how families end up with $200K in debt. Be realistic, not aspirational, with finances.
• Don't guilt trip. "After everything we've done for you..." turns a collaborative decision into an adversarial one.